Open letter to those 30 and younger...

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning .. uphill BOTH ways...


yadda, yadda, yadda



And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty *coughs*, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the internet If we wanted to know something,
we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! And paper!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napster! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like call waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

And we didn't have fancy caller ID boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had Atari! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died...

And you only had 3 chances before you died!!!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing a s stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no on screen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!
You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bast#&%'s!


And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire .. imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to pop it in a pot with oil on the stove or use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.


That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.

You're spoiled.

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!


Regards,

The over 30 Crowd


.................oy I think I just pulled a muscle with that rant *hobbles off on her walker*

Updated Employee Handbook (did you get your copy?)

Updated Employee Handbook

UPDATED DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. {Screwed no matter how it goes eh?}

UPDATED SICK DAYS POLICY: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. {Wonder if I call in dead if that counts for anything? Or will I need to get a coroner to call in for me?}

UPDATED PERSONAL DAYS POLICY: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday. {And here I thought they were being cheap with only 6 before! What an improvement!}

UPDATED BEREAVEMENT LEAVE POLICY: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. {That's nice and generous, I wonder if they'll send flowers too?}

UPDATED RESTROOM USE POLICY: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. {I'm screwed!}

UPDATED LUNCH BREAK POLICY: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast. {It only takes me 3 minutes for my Slim Fast, but I'm not telling them that!}

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. *cough, cough* We are here to provide a positive employment experience. {Yeah riiiiiiiiiiight} Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere. {No surprise there!}

Have a nice week!

THE MANAGEMENT




..........yeah.....that's about the size of it!