They say...

How you go out in one year is how you'll spend the next.

I've never really bought into that sort of superstition.

Besides, if that were the case, I'm screwed.....I've got a head cold from hell, courtesy of a patient who doesn't bovver to cover their mouth when they cough or sneeze. *sighs* Oh well, part and parcel of being a nurse I suppose.

Sooooooooo, just in case you buy into how you go out in one year determines how you'll spend the next, may you go out laughing in this one and having nothing but good cheer in the next.


(this clip is not for the faint of heart, so if you are easily offended, don't say you weren't warned)

Yeah I had to look at it twice too...

One Christmas tradition explained...

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.

He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Conversation...

One of my residents, an 80 year old lady was being interviewed by the local news station because she had just gotten married - for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. I thought the same thing after having a conversation with her during some down time at work.

He then, went on and asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interview looked at her, quite astonished, and asked her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

I never asked her another question after that.

Some things you just can't help but laugh at...

After first rounds were done, I'm at the nurses' station.

One of my patients came to me to complain about another patient. This is the following conversation...

Judy: "I need to talk to you about R-I-T-A" (spelling it out) *I think she thought that R-I-T-A was either an idiot or deaf, which of the two I'm not certain* "She's done blah blah blah" *Quite honestly after a while it all sounds the same*

Me: "Miss Judy, if I'm not mistaken, R-I-T-A can S-P-E-L-L, just like you can"

Judy: "Oh...."

Over my shoulder I can hear a little old lady going "R-I-T-A......hey wait! That's ME!"

Judy: "No No No, I said, R-I-T-A-A.....I'm not talking about you!"

Me: "Uh huh, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight"

God I love my job at times!

For all of my bleeding heart liberal WAYYYYY left of center friends & family...

Now I realize the artist and/or genre of music may not be to your liking.

However......

Just watch the clip, you'll end up in tears like I did.

(Tears of laughter that is)

This is great, enjoy! I know I did.

I. AM. OUTRAGED.

I don't normally climb atop a soapbox, however this is one that needs to be climbed up on.

A dear friend of mine told me about this story sickened and disgusted by the ruling, I'm flabbergasted as to how and why it would be that a judge would assume that a 10 year old CHILD would even understand the concept of consent, when for some 30 year old ADULTS struggle still with the idea.

I'm a firm believer in that "it takes a village" to raise children and with the world becoming increasingly smaller all the time, I can't help but think of my Moira or my Sammy (both 10 and under) having to deal with this and not having the support of her community.

I'm wondering, what could or should be done with regard to this situation? Is there anything we, as a global community, can do?

Tell me what ideas you may have.



It's things like this that I have a tendency to take personally. It's how I am, I can't help it.

Talk about to much time on your hands!

I think this is awesome and I'm impressed with the patience and fortitude that this person showed in doing this clip, but can you say "Holy Cow!"

Oh yeah? Well you can go Elf Yourself too bub!!

Ohmygod! What fun!..........damn.........now I REALLY gotta study! Talk soon!

Click *here*


Thanks Reesie :-*

You don't see this every day...

Pretty cool eh?

Enjoy!

Krista...what language is this in?

It's officially The Christmas Season!!!

No, not because:

• We watched Santa ride his sleigh down the street in the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade
• We've gorged ourselves on turkey and all the trimmings
• We fought with our dysfunctional borderline personality cousin to break the turkey wishbone(which ended in a wrestling match on the dining room floor)
  
• We watched Uncle George fall face first drunk as a skunk into the punch bowl promptly after the dessert dishes were cleared from the table
  
• We survived to tell the tale of Black Friday and the exploits that ensued that day and the great deals we think we got
• It's getting cold and blustry and the ice scraper can't be found to scrape the windshield
  
• You've dragged the Christmas tree box up all the stairs from the basement only to find all the branches are bent at obtuse angles from one another, half the ornaments are broken and only a third of all the tree lights work
  
• People are starting to put the lights up on their homes and the giant lawn ornaments are being inflated to Goodyear blimp proportions (in other words, let the games begin!)
  
• The local radio station has gone 24/7 with all Christmas music all the time
• We've had our fill of pumpkin pie and are scouring about with a crazed glazed look hoping to find more
• McDonald's has started selling their Egg Nog milkshakes

I know it's the Christmas season because:

I heard this song! Tell me, what is it in your little world that let's you know that the Christmas season is in full swing?

Enjoy!

Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving

01. Talk about a huge breast!

02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

03. It's Cool Whip time!

04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

05. That's one terrific spread!

06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

07. Are you ready for seconds yet?

08. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!




Hope your Turkey day is everything you want it to be. Bless to you and yours.

When you were a teen, what did you do when you were bored?

I can only hope and pray it wasn't what these teens did...but then again......it could explain some adult behavior.

Listen to your mother...

What she said when you were younger is true....be sure to wear clean (& cute) underwear because you never know who will be seeing it when you least expect it.

I'll elaborate...

Last night at work, one of my patients had somehow managed to get her oxygen tubing wrapped around her body. Knowing luck as it is in my neighborhood, I could just see her slipping out of her wheelchair and end up strangling herself on the tubing. She's very confused and it's not outside the realm of possibility.

So as I'm bent over her trying to get her sorted, she (I can only assume) thought I meant to do her harm. I know this because she reached up and swatted at me, scratched me (ripping my necklace from my neck) leaving nice claw marks behind......*note to self: clip her nails* and finally grabbing my shirt and pulling for all she was worth.

With it being Friday, it was casual day, meaning no scrubs (whOOt!), so I wore a v neck t-shirt and jeans. Thank God I had a cute bra (thank you Nicky!) on because not only the residents' in the vacinity got an eye full, but my staff did as well. It took me and 2 nursing assistants to get me untangled, but after a 5 minute struggle, I got free.

After getting pulled back together, cleaned up the blood (yeah she's got some sharp nails) and stretching my shirt back into place.....well as much as can be expected, I was just so happy for one thing.

At least I had a cute bra on!

Me and the generous donator of the cute bra's!

Story of my life...

Memo to/for all pets

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

• They live here. You don't.
  
• If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
  
• I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
• To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called (even the cat)
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

How cool is this?

Was watching Rachel Ray this morning (I LOVE her!) and she had guest Angie Harmon on. They were talking about how Angie Harmon's husband proposed to her and it was this big hoopdiedo. So I had to see if I could find it to see what all the fuss was about.

Guess what?

I found it!

Girls grab ya hankies........guys.....just groan and keep on going.

Have you started your Christmas shopping yet?

Have you ever....

Gotten a song stuck in ya head and ya can't get it out??

OY!

It's driving me nuts! Care to join me?


Ohhhhhh show me the way to go home....

I love it, thank you!

For all the men out there....

Fairy Tale: One day, long, long ago, there was this woman who surprisingly, did not whine, nag or bitch........ But this was a long time ago..... and it was just ONE day. The End

Just a thought # 93

When you need to eat soft food due to recent dental work, even pudding hurts to eat.

Nifty new skill to have....

Laundry is a thankless task. I don't know of anyone who likes doing it or the associated chores of ironing and putting the clothes away. Well thanks to this clip I found, some of the chore has been simplified and will go so much more quickly! Think of all the time and space in your dresser drawers you're gonna save!

And you don't even need to know Japanese to master the skill!

Once you get past the smell you can clean up anything...

At least that's the motto I've lived by since I can remember.

Actually since I've gotten into the medical field where often times it was the smell that held you back from getting the job at hand done. A long time ago, I trained myself to "not smell" so to speak, those things that most people find difficult to smell. I won't go into specifics, but you know what those smells are for yourself.

Well, my motto failed me.

The one absolute truth I've held up to this point is no longer.

I had to go to the cadaver lab.

All I can say is this......

"Where's the nearest exit?"

Priceless...

I decided to take mom out to eat tonight (don't ask me why, I guess I was feeling rather generous) and I was jonesin' for some onion strips from CIP, given that mom had never been there before and her best friend had ("Betty's son has taken her there for lunch" ~~ Insert a pitiful look and a sniffle), we head out for a Cheeseburger in Paradise.

If you've never been there, it's just like any other hamburger joint....pardon me, cheeseburger joint. Exception is, when you step into the restaurant, you've pretty much stepped into the Florida Keys. Good music, great service and excellent food can be found.

As Jimmy Buffett's song of the same name was playing "Cheeseburger in Paradise", mom looks up at me and says...."Hey they got their own theme song! Pretty cool that theme restaurants have that now", I nearly spat out my diet drink at that comment. I hated having to tell her this one bit of information, but through the laughter, I managed...."The song came before the restaurant ma."

Priceless!

Toddler Property Laws...

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

The of all the classes I am currently taking, the one that I think I've learned the most in is my child development class....the things you learn in class can be very handy when dealing with a toddler!

Just a thought # 322

Smoke detectors serve a specific purpose.

To detect smoke.

Not act as a timer for when you cook.

Way to go!

Although she'll never hear me say this, nor shall I ever see her (I pray) in this lifetime, I'd just like to say "Way to Go!" to this one girl from when I was in PN school.

She was the BIGGEST pain in the ass, hugeeeeeeeeeee drama queen and just all around joke. From day one I knew, something my gut told me I suppose, just knew she wasn't gonna make it. Not for her lack of drama and trying. God knows she was trying. Yanno the person, ya groan on the inside and paste a smile on the outside every time you see them (yeah I know, it's been said that I have that effect on people.......fek off already) but ya don't wanna be rude (even though they are) so you just play nice and pray it'll end soon.

Well, drama being what it was, she didn't make it. She says that it was because of some or another bogus reason. I always figured it was because she really didn't do anything to help herself (she figured everyone owed her because she was who/what she was) and quite frankly the nursing instructors would just cluck and shake their heads when the topic of this girl came up.

I just found out through mutual classmates (being back in school, I've some of the same RN classmates that I had while in PN school) that she managed to somehow get back into the program and she passed, graduated and took her boards and passed!

So, for all her faults, (we're all human) I'm happy for her.

Now I just pray she doesn't kill anyone!

Financial Advice for 2007...

If you have any money left, at the end of your paycheck, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations sometime in 2007.

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4.) Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: Zip Audi DoDa.

5.) FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP

6.) Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7.) Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

8.) Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!

And finally

9.) Victoria 's Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name: Titty Titty Bang Bang

Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take the apple from the ground that isn't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men...Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

**Warning! Warning!**

Yanno how there are some women who want the newest and the latest in anything, including plastic surgery?

Well consider this as a warning to any of you who would be finding yourself putting this little known procedure on your Christmas wish list...


A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."

Just a thought # 192

Crickets in England, don't have an accent.

They sound just like American crickets.

I love these guys....

I'd have to say I'm as neurotic as PC and would love to be as cool and laid back as Mac.

Ah, well, I guess you could say I'm a work in progress.

I've never been so outraged!

While at work, someone left one of my favorite newspapers behind, of course given that it's a favorite I snagged it for my own personal perusing.

After reading this story, I've never been more outraged!

Now as anyone who knows me, knows I've some pretty strong opinions and I'm liable to let them fly (sometimes at the wrong time unfortunately), however I've never been so outraged to write a letter to the editor sort of thing.

This time I did.

I wonder if it'll get published?

We'll have to wait and see.

In the meantime, let me know what your opinion is of Jeff Brown's cause, leave me a comment and share!

A revisit of sorts...

Well a few days ago I posted this just to make a funny, I like humor where it can go either way, just change the testicles to tits and a man could easily say the same thing. Basically it's all to say that regardless of the sex, we all at one point or another have thought the same thing about the opposite sex, regardless of the gender of the person thinking it.

Yesterday my girlfriend B., called to say that her car had a flat.....no wait.....it's two flats (OY!) and she's on the freeway (YIKES!) what to do? Well, given that I've close connections with AAA I told her that I was on the way. Holy cow! Traffic was a nightmare, but luckily, it really was only one tire that was flat. Thank goodness! Surprisingly, not one motorist stopped to offer assistance (it's been my experience in years past that at least ONE person will stop to offer some sort of assistance)....however, one cop on a motorbike checked in on us, but yet no one else. Thank goodness for AAA or we'd probably STILL be sitting there!

While we sat there and waited, we were both on the phone, her calling her dad in a panic about what to do in replacing the tire, me texting a friend letting them know what was going on.

My texting conversation:

Them: Everything sorted with the tire?
Me: Just waiting on the truck to get here is all.
Them: Why a truck?
Me: To change the tire silly, I'm not sure how her jack works and I know B. knows less than nothing about changing a tire.
Them: Well then you shouldn't be allowed out of the house.
Me: Piss off



Ya gotta love a supportive friend I tell ya!....yanno....come to think of it....the friend is a guy....so I guess it still holds true in this case....if it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble!

Yeah, this sounds good...

To make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside...

Yeah, this sums it all up neatly...

I know...

I can always count on my friends to cheer me up when I'm down. I also know that my friends always seem to find a way to make me laugh and shoot Diet Pepsi out my nose when I least expect. I know that they accept me unconditionally, regardless of my faults and never stand in judgment of my wrong doings. After all, isn't that what friends are for?

For those that choose to stand by me regardless of it all...

I salute you!

A Study by the UCLA Dept of Psychiatry

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.


For example:


If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.


No further studies are expected

What not to wear...

To the grocery store...

• Old over sized ratty Harley Davidson t-shirt that is 3 sizes to big.
• Over sized wide striped pink and black capris that are darn near being flood length rather than have that nice capri length look.
• Flip Flop (or thongs for those who don't know what a flip flop is) sandals.
• Greasy hair that is mostly pulled back into a stub of a pony tail and what isn't pulled into the pony tail is tucked behind the ears.
• No make-up.

Then have the balls to carry a Coach handbag and use WIC (Women Infants & Children aka Public Assistance) to pay for the 6 gallons of milk, 2 gallons of juice, 1 dozen eggs, God only knows how much cheese and then be surprised when the people in line behind you get pissed off as they stand there for 35 minutes staring at your Coach bag as you check out!

Shocker she wasn't lynched.

I believe in a hand up when you're down and out. I have no problem with that, however when my tax dollars are paying for you to put food in your mouth and you don't have the decency to care for yourself, then go on and carry an up scale handbag.....well, yeah, I guess you could say I have issues.

What are you're thoughts?

Go grab some tissue first...

One of the most powerful documentaries I've seen in a long long time.

When you're done, go hug your family and tell all that you love how much they mean.

............................I am.

Well the grades are in...

Well I've been missing due to the fact that I was finishing up this quarter at school. I had 3 classes when I started, however I ended up with 2. One of the classes was Algebra and to be honest I had a hard time with it. I didn't need to take it per se according to my school (I'm enrolled in two different schools) because I have a math class with them that I'm required to take, so when I found my grade fledgling, I tried to drop the course, but at this point it was to late *sigh* so I ended up getting a failing grade. Yeah I know, that sucks. I think so too.

However....

Good news, my other two classes I faired much better in. For English I got a "B" and for my Abnormal Psychology I got an "A"! Woohoo!!! I found in both those classes I connected much better with the instructor than I did in the math class. I'm not sure if that had anything to do with my difficulty in grasping the material or what, but hey, all I know is the quarter is done and I got a decent grade for it!!

Now dance with me!

Holy Crap!

Having a conversation with one of my best friends today led to this clip... *side note* It always amazes me how conversations flow and how they get to different topics. *end side note*

Them: im not feeling too good...feel a bit queasy
Me: how's come?
Them: dunno...maybe cos i took me tabs 5hrs late
Me: *blank stare*
Me: on an empty stomach?
Them: no...after the stir fry
Me: hmmm
Me: usually that'll happen if you take it on an empty tummy
Them: and that fekin helicopter aint helping
Me: what helicopter?
Them: bastid thing is too big to be doing circuits
Them: its a chinook over in the park
Me: I wonder if helicopters have ejection seats? (Yeah that's me, trying to be a smartass)
Them: wait 1 sec
Me: k
Them: warning shocking but its all ok in the end... http://www.yourfilehost.com/media.php?cat=video&file=guy_ejected_into_helicopter_blades_1_.flv
Me: *reading the link* Yanno, I was kidding about that, it was meant to be a funny
Them: i saw that clip only this morning, he only ended up with a broken wrist
Me: holy crap
Them: one way to put it
Them: he was very lucky to keep his head
Me: no kidding, I still can't get over it, that and the fact that you had just happened onto that clip earlier today
Them: yeah...a bit freaky eh?
Me: lol that's the way things go with us I'm afraid

Still can't get over the pilot ending up with only a broken wrist!

You learn something new everyday..

My hubby is on holiday out in Washington state, we've been talking daily on the phone.

Today's conversation...

Me: So how's your trip?
Him: Good. Got here to grandma's last night okay, had some dinner, ice cream, then we all sat and talked and visited. I'm sleeping in the basement.
Me: Oooooo, it's nice and cool in her basement! That ought to be great!
Him: It is, except I've learned a little something about my self that I don't think I realized before.
Me: What's that?
Him: I'm a little bit afraid of the dark.


Awwwwwww, gotta love a man who can be open enough to admit something like that.

I think we're going to start a new business...

My sister-in-law and I are.

I'll be the financial planner, she'll be the travel agent making all the plans.

Our spouses (brothers) are on holiday currently, out on the west coast visiting immediate & more of the extended family. While sharing a meal at a family members house, a cousin mentioned how nice she thought it was that the brothers could travel together. The brothers agreed collectively that it was due to their wives, we had made it possible for them to take this trip together. I making sure the money was there for my husband and the other brother was taken care of because his wife (my sister-in-law) had fine tuned all the details as to who the brothers were going to see when.

After dinner and settling down for a bit more visiting with family, the same cousin was asking the brothers what time they were going to be leaving the following morning to drive to see their grandmother. My husband's reply? "We'll need to call the travel agent (my sister-in-law) to find out for certain."

......................I guess the boys really do miss us!

No matter how hard you try...

there are times when you just can't win.

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window
at the posters showing the glamorous Destinations around the world.

The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling
of generosity. He called them into his shop: 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a
holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an
answer.'

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star
hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted,and were off!

About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he
asked eagerly.

The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. I've come to thank you, but one thing
puzzled me. 'Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?'

ACTUALLY, SOME OF US ASK THE SAME QUESTION EVERY MORNING

A little quiz...

Let's see how smart you are...


1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?



All done? Scroll down to check your answers below.







Passing requires 4 correct answers

1) 116 years

2) Ecuador

3) Sheep and Horses

4) November

5) Squirrel fur

6) Dogs

7) Albert

8) Crimson

9) New Zealand

10) Orange, of course.

(And don't try to tell me you passed!)

Have your smartest friends stop by and take the quiz so they can feel stupid, too.

History Lesson...

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas.

As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I. I had always thought it was a golf term.

Well here we are...

Since deciding to blog again, I've felt good about my decision.

I left blogging for a period of time because in the end, it had changed from what it once was to me. Originally it was a means to keep up with those in my social circle. Feeling obligated to do it "because everyone else was doing it" I started my first blog. Then, once I got into it, I began to enjoy it. I got to meet some of the best people that I wouldn't have met otherwise. Then things changed for me. Namely my social circle, it became something I didn't recognize any longer and personally didn't want to be a part of, except for one lone person. So, I extracted myself from it, not by choice mind ya, but because I hurt the one person I never would have intended to. Knowing our circle and how catty it could be at times and figuring that everyone in the group looked up to her and she'd weave a tale of my exploits, I was unsure if she'd blow things out of proportion or how it all would go, so I figured, my best bet was to just disappear. So I that's just what I did. Walking away from all the friends I'd known up to that point, only save a select handful.

While missing some of those from that circle and most definitely not missing some others (as is bound to happen in these sorts of circumstances), I found that after awhile I was missing the most important thing. Me. As well, I was missing the camaraderie that comes with being a small part of something bigger.

So here I am again. Not so much anymore with my heart on my sleeve like before. Quite honestly, I'm a lot more guarded than what I was because of all of this, yet, I feel like a part of me is still willing to creep out a bit at a time to take a peek and see if things have improved (or not). Hopefully I'll be the person I once was, if not a bit more jaded and guarded, but most definately improved.

Knock, Knock...

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "It's three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not. It's three o'clock in the morning and it's pouring outside!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says the wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?" She continued on, "I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he's told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

If you were to be totally honest...

Wouldn't you just love to say this to someone?

Letter to God...

Dear God;

I've got a few questions for you.

From: The Dog

Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
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When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
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Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE, named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?
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If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
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We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
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More meatballs, less spaghetti, please
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Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
------------------------------------------------
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Dear God here's another thought:

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
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1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
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And, finally, My last question . . .

When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
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Have you ever had a dream that felt so real.....

There are some things that are just wrong...

I'm just FINE thank you very much...

I thought I'd throw this at you. Give you something to see besides things I think that are funny.

It's that getting to know you part of the show.

About me.

Nothing to tell really.

I'm what my dad would call F.I.N.E.

Just in case you don't know what that means...

F - F*cked up
I - Insecure
N- Neurotic
E - Emotional

Yeah that's me in a nutshell.

I live somewhere in the states, I work, I go to school, I'm neurotic, I live as hard as I love, my family and friends mean the world to me, at times unknowingly I've hurt the fore mentioned family and friends...trust me it's not intentional, no matter what you may hear.

Pretty much, I'm just like anyone else, with maybe just a skewed view of the world and a bit cynical about this thing called the net. But hey, let's see where it takes us!